Fear

So here I sit, not but a few weeks away from my move back to Oregon. And I am absolutely petrified. I am leaving behind my support, my sangha, the best girl I have ever met, and I am heading to a place that was the back drop of a lot of my addiction and suffering in my life. I don't know how to sit with that. I am working very hard at quitting smoking, and have even tried adopting a "Straight-Edge" mentality. But fear, doubt, and insecurity creep into my heart and my thoughts and lay dormant till the hours of evening where I am alone and vulnerable, only breeding feelings of absolute loneliness and strengthened fear. I pace and talk to myself, trying iron the inconsistencies of thought but that only seems to compound the problem. I must strive on, but I am not sure I have faced fear like this, at least not sober. I am not sure why I write this. I guess as a clue to my mind set were anything bad to happen. I pray I can walk through this fire and come out, alive and sober on the other side. I am going to start praying to Shiva, hopefully to invoke some of the same spiritual warrior characteristics of his personality which draw me to him.
Om Namah Shivaaya
Shivaaya namaha, Shivaaya namah om
Shivaaya namaha, namaha Shivaaya
Shambhu Shankara namah Shivaaya, Girijaa Shankara namah Shivaaya
Arunaachala Shiva namah Shivaaya